Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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