So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
