Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
