My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
