so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
