She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
