Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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