I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
