They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
