If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
