time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
