so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
