his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
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Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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