Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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