Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
