Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
