Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
