I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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