i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
