does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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