weddingsv make me drug and hornr
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's official drugs can't kill me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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