Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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