Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
