This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
