Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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