could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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