i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
