his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
