ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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