Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
