ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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