I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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