There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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