how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
