**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
