i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
