I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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