If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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