nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She told me I should be a condom model.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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