I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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