How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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