If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
