I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
