Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
