Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
