If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
