A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I got inside last night via doggy door
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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