I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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