There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
