Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
