I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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