ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
