We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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