I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't deserve a penis
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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