Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize