The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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