I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize