If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
