i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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