so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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