she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
