You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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