i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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