he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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