so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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