You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
