mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How external is "for external use only"?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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