How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
