Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
