Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
