Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
