Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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