Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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