cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
