Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
