Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
