There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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