If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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