btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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