yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
porn star boner night. come get it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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