Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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