awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
