She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
