I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
