...so i touched it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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