Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
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having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am one with the molecules
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize