I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
