I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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