dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
