i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
